So this is a post I’ve been… hesitant to make for a while because I know some people in my life won’t like it, but I need to face the fact that I’m a 22-year-old woman and this is my space to do what I please with. If you don’t like it, don’t read.
In honor of pride month, I’m going to tell you all my coming out story.
Now I don’t make it a secret on my blog that I am gay, but I’ve never made a post on it specifically before. My journey was a unique one when I was a kid I was really boy crazy and had an elementary school boyfriend, actually. (We were so cute.) But this caused a lot of issues when I came out because I had never “acted gay.” I had always been the girly girl, ballerina, princess type of child (and even now an adult). So everyone thought there weren’t any “signs.”
Around 16 years old, I was actually watching Glee and Sue said something to Kurt along the lines of, “How do you know if you’ve never done anything.” I thought about this for awhile. Like really deep down thought about it, and I realized that as much as my best friend had teased me saying I would turn out liking girls (she always points out she was right), I had never actually considered the possibility. I just was attracted to who I was supposed to be attracted to and what was dictated to me on the media.
It bothered me for way more than it should have and eventually I came out as bisexual (though I was probably more bi-curious at the time). I kissed a few boys in that time and also met my girlfriend, Josie (who is actually bi, I was never bi I just thought I was), and in the Spring of 2012 I came out as gay.
That’s literally it. No fanfare, no drama… just a lot of questioning. I would continue to question if I was bi for another 3 years, but college made me realize I was most defiantly 100% gay (maybe 95% because it’s a spectrum and also dang Brendon Urie is attractive).
I’m not going to sit here on my soapbox and pretend it’s easy. There’s a lot of stigma against lesbians dating bi girls, there’s a lot of stigma against two feminine girls being together, there’s a lot of stigma towards me because I did kiss some boys in early high school so I’m not a “gold star” lesbian (which is a ridiculous concept and should be banned. I’m fabulous!)
I get a lot of the “you’re too pretty to be lesbian” comments and I’ve gotten harassed by boys (another story for another day and I refuse to call them men because they were acting like children) who seemed to think they could turn me straight. I am who I am. I am a makeup-loving, heels wearing, skirt flouncing lesbian and I am so proud of that! And the only part of me that makes me a lesbian is that I like girls! That’s the definition of a lesbian. I don’t need to “pass” societies gaydar to be considered a lesbian and whether I’m walking down the street in a high fashion sundress with heels or I’m in my comfy flannels with my hair in a messy bun and guess what? It has no effect on who I love.
On this Pride Month, I just want to remind you all that love is not a choice and no matter who you love it doesn’t define you or dictate any other aspect of your life. I’m very proud of who I am and who I’m becoming as an activist, a voice, and a strong woman. I love Josie more than anything in the world and I have for 6 years. I’m more than excited to move in with her and our adorable cat, Rey, in July. I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else.
Be you. Be happy. Be free.
P.S.- Negative comments will be deleted.
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And check out Josie’s blog here.
And check out these awesome campaigns who are fighting for LGBT communities: