A lot of factors went into it, and after a week of full mental breakdowns interspaced with gleeful cheering, I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate my decisions. (Shout out to my friends and family for dealing with me this week, and all weeks for that matter).
I did it because I was looking for a change and I definitely
got one. It’s been an intense year for me and I’m a senior in college and I felt now was the time in my life to do something drastic. Inspired by Millie Bobby Brown (I have been obsessed with Stranger Things. More on that in a different post), I cut my hair from about mid-chest to about chin length.
I loved it!… for about five hours. Then, I regretted every decision I’ve made in the past year. It wouldn’t do what I wanted it to, I couldn’t get it to pull back, and then sitting in front of my table-top makeup mirror I asked myself why I did it. I couldn’t come up with a good reason.
It caused me to really, seriously think about why I was so upset. My explanation was that I decided to cut off the only thing I really loved about myself when I looked in the mirror. Which in turn made me review the way I thought of myself. You may have guessed by now that this blog post isn’t truly about my hair. I’ve been so so hard on myself lately to the point where I was beating myself up for a haircut that will grow back to its original length in four years (I know this because I got the same hair cut senior year of high school 4 years ago.)
How do you stop looking in the mirror and beating yourself up for all your flaws? I have no reason to beat myself up. I’ve been writing more in the last 3 weeks than normal, I’ve been being more active on social media, my website is kind of getting in order, I restarted my book, I have good grades, I’ve been doing self-care, but when I look in the mirror all I see are bad decisions and laziness. I only see the days I didn’t go to the gym, or the nap I took instead of writing. Will I ever be enough for myself?
I think I will. I think the true lesson of my haircut is that hair grows back. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff. Next time I look in the mirror I’m going to put on eyeliner and tell myself to make a cup of tea because I deserve it. I may have hit a writer’s block yesterday, but today we’re going to do double the word count. Just like my hair, I can grow one day at a time.
What are you doing for self-care right now?
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